Turn That Frown Upside-down
	(Had to use editor to find secret passage)
	(Dialog very terse)
	(Outdoors seemed somewhat half-baked, inconsistent )
	Time to kill ampersand: 10 minutes
	Ampersand paused and wiped his brow. He was a bit winded after pushing a huge, grinning statue along the length of the underground tunnel he was in. And that was after spending a whole day scouring the plains looking for the entrance to the blasted tunnel. Now, he had reached what was apparently his destination: a ladder, which assumedly lead up into the frowny keep. He was a little uncertain how to proceed, though, as there was no visible way for him to get the statue up through the trapdoor, especially given that it weighed easily twice as much as he did. 
	After a few moments of reflection, he gave it one last nudge toward the ladder to get it as close as possible before trying to figure out how to lift it up. Much to his surprise, the statue shot up the ladder and disappeared from view, just before he was overcome by a vision of the statue in its new surroundings: the court of King Frowny, who wasted no time in displaying his consternation and displeasure over the peculiar appearance of new artwork in his presence. Suddenly, his viewpoint shifted again and he found himself seeing King Smiley and his retinue in another room altogether, rejoicing over the statue's delivery. Suddenly, the floor fell away, dropping the king and guards out of sight. Ampersand was no longer viewing from afar, but standing at the side of the newly formed hole, staring into the its depths. The light didn't seem to reach the bottom, so he couldn't see what might be inside, but, somewhat muddled from his experiences of the last few seconds, he stepped forward and boldly leapt in. 
	Ampersand managed to land (rather deftly, he thought) on his feet, and proceeded to try to get his bearings. There weren't many to get; the only things in sight were dour faces and gleaming swords. He reached for his trusty stone dagger, but it was really much too little, too late. 

	While Ampersand was destroyed in the first attack of the first fight, a party of three level 5 adventurers barely broke a sweat, even on torment: they brushed aside the few frowny warriors like so many cobwebs. King Frowny was more of a problem, ponderously slow moving, yet somehow impossible to hit except with spells. However, the presence of the smiley mage largely solved that problem; Derric just stood in the King's path and soaked up damage while Cordelia healed him continually from a safe distance. Ellen fired a steady stream of arrows at the King with virtually no effect. Happily, Derric managed to strike just one hit, which turned out to be the killing blow. The trio were mildly perplexed to learn that their deeds had apparent;y earned them nothing, despite using up the only energy potion they had been carrying. 


The Eternal
	Ampersand spent a little while poking about the outskirts of the island before investigating the nearby building. He found some herbs that looked promising, although he didn't really know the first thing about alchemy. He'd alway meant to getting around to reading a book on that at some point. Since there wasn't much else to see, he peeked in the building's only window. 
	The sight inside didn't inspire confidence. The floor appeared to be covered with trash and torn paper. With a sigh he headed over toward the door. It wasn't locked, he pulled it open and stepped cautiously inside. There was string smell of herbs, probably indicating alchemy again. It probably wasn't really the case, but some days it seemed like everyone and his dog knew most about that subject than Ampersand. The first order of business was to check the heavy chests to the left, chests tended to have good chances of useful bits of this and that. Ampersand wasn't choosy; he'd take anything he thought he could use. Unfortunately nothing fit even that broad category from the first chest. The second though, had what looked like a healing potion. That went into Ampersand's pack straight away. Some people were more careful about drinking beverages store in bottles found in the wilderness, but Ampersand had never yet drunk something that he hadn't recovered from, at least eventually, and on occasion it had gotten him out of a tight spot. 
	Moving on, he turned to his right, to the source of all of the paper scraps. Unfortunately, the books and papers on the various shelves looked like a pretty complete loss; water had gotten to most of them repeatedly it appeared. However, there was one large volume, off a little distance from the others that looked more intact. Most of that turned out to be gone too, leaving only one legible phrase. It was a standard issue cryptic warning. Ampersand didn't bother worrying about it, those were usually either nonsense or self fulfilling, and so it didn't matter much whether you did anything about them. 
	Lacking anything else to poke through in that room, Ampersand turned his attention to the doorway into what was likely the structure's only other room. It was a bedroom, and his eye was drawn to the pair of boots laying in the corner, which were hastily seized. As he turned them over in his hands, getting a feeling for whether they were sturdier than his sandals and thus a worthy replacement, he got a vague uneasy feeling. There seemed to be something else to these boots that he couldn't quite put a mental finger on. Magic? It could be. He supposed most people would find it odd to be more careful about what he put on his feet than what he drank, but those old legends of clothes that would stick onto the body and never come off had always stuck with him, and they made him uneasy. At the very least it would be a huge pain to change his pants if he couldn't get his shoes off. Maybe later he could find some way to check if the boots were safe. They went in the pack with the potion. He glanced at the beds, but they didn't look all that clean and he wasn't tired anyway; this place had triggered his urge to explore. He ducked back out of the house and started down the mossy path. 
	As he started down the path he noticed a statue, but didn't pay it much heed. Statues just weren't very collectible, and didn't usually need to be fought. Besides, it reminded him vaguely of a bad experience he had recently had, involving a statue. Glancing back up he noticed that the statue was gone. That didn't bode so well. A giant could have carried it off, easily, but those weren't all that quiet. Probably some sort of magic, the kind that would annoy you by making you walk in circles, or maybe make a dragon appear out of thin air. That last was probably Ampersand's least favorite kind of magic. Still with nowhere else to go, and nothing better to do, he picked up his pace along the path. It looked like there might be some more buildings in the distance. 

	A short walk later Ampersand came into a clearing containing a few more buildings. There was a signpost, but it was only another cryptic warning. Either that, or it was a rule of thumb, maybe one that he would need to follow to deal with whatever there was to deal with in these parts. Still, not blinking seemed pretty annoying. Continuing on, he began poking into a few of the smaller buildings, but din't find anything worthwhile. He did grab a board game he saw laying about, though, he just couldn't resist. Eventually he found a tavern, full of apparently perpetually lit torches. Those definitely looked useful, and so he tried to pry one out of its sconce. It wouldn't budge. That was magic for you; just as soon as it did something useful, it did something else to make the first thing no use after all. He looked around for any food that was still edible, but found none. Oh, well, he wasn't really hungry anyway. 
	Peering in the window of the next building revealed something very much of interest:  a pair of gloves, sitting on a table. You never knew when you'd need to grab something dangerous, and gloves could come in really handy. He hurried inside and scooped them up, along with a sturdy kitchen knife and a pretty little hourglass. Moving on, ha came to a gate house, but the door was locked. Moving around to look in its window, he came face to face with another statue. Ampersand figured he'd get to it in a minute, but in the time it took him to look over the gate house it had vanished like the last one. He hadn't been seeking it out anyway, so no great loss. 
	The black-smithy proved to be a jackpot: A serviceable longsword, a heavy hammer, a spearhead, and a bar of what he thought might be tin. Ampersand swished the sword about a bit and concluded that it would suit admirably, at least until he could find a pike or maybe a couple of tower shields. Those lats were only much good though if you knew some nice devastating battle spells, so you could just turtle up and explode opponents with your mind powers. He couldn't recall any spells like that at the moment, so the sword would do. 
	Since Ampersand couldn't get out through the gate, and didn't feel like trying to climb over the wall just yet, he spent a few minutes throwing stones into the stagnant pond. Growing bored of that, he noted that there was still one building he hadn't investigated. I looked mildly official, a temple perhaps. Sometimes temples held interesting things, like magic rings or vengeful spirits. He pushed open the doors. Seeing that it was indeed a temple, he congratulated himself quietly, before noticing that the place was much too big on the inside. He'd walked around the back of the little building, and it hadn't been near as large as it now seemed. He mentally upgraded to chance of magic trinkets by a couple of points. Having done so he marched to one of the closed doors off of the entryway and went through, finding to his mild surprise that the small room beyond was a tomb. Tombs were bad news, single best way to get instantly desiccated or turned into a frog that he knew, so he backed out. He could always come back if he felt like it. The opposite door was securely locked; he would have to see if he could find a crowbar or something and tackle it properly. Come to think of it, that would solve the gatehouse to. Unfortunately the smithy had been a much likelier source of crowbars, and he hadn't found any. 
	He heard a door open and shut behind him. It might be vengeful spirits after all. He hefted his sword, then realized that it really wasn't a very good way to fight spirits. He'd think of something if need be, though. Retracing his steps he found the formerly locked door now unlocked. Much less convenient that a good crowbar, actually. Still, the room it revealed held a small set of stairs heading down into a basement, and that looked promising. Hurrying down he came to a room with another of those useful looking but immovable torches, and more helpfully, a pick axe. It might do for breaking down a door. The only over exit besides the way he had entered lead into a short hallway, then a crypt. The bones looked uninteresting, so Ampersand crossed to the door on the other wall, which proved to lead to a cave. Something of a let-down, really. 
	It really wasn't dark, so Ampersand pressed onward. ANother one of those statues was in his way, but then it wasn't. Just the behavior he'd come to expect, and really it meant that the things weren't much trouble at all. A few more small tombs had been built in the cavern, but he din't bother with them. After a little while, he noticed a statue following him. That was a bit weird even for the ones around here, but he glared sternly at it until he rounded a bend. That seemed to take care of the problem. The passage divided, and following one brach he came to an alcove where several tools lay on a bench. Another pick—one really couldn't have too many, a horn (for those times when one really would like to hear a loud noise), and shield. The shield seemed like quite a find, until he noticed the same disquieting sensation as from the boots. That lead him to spend several minutes pondering what life would be like with a sturdy shield permanently affixed to one's arm. Perhaps that and the related hypothetical boot problem could be worked around via novel new designs in clothing? A shirt, for instance, that opened up all the way along one arm? That would take a lot of lacing or buttoning, though. He deferred the problem by shoving the shield into his pack, which was growing pleasingly bulky. 
	Heading down the other brach of the tunnel brought clusters of crystals into view. Probably more magic in store, then. Ampersand stopped suddenly, when he discovered a statue talking to him. It was the last thing he needed, really. he noted a few more of the things sidling their way up. Looked like it might be a fight; at least he was better equipped for statues than ethereal spirits. He realized that he should probably put more effort into talking to the thing than whatever monosyllable came to mind first. A few simple questions revealed that it was your typical ancient evil, trapped in a crystal, and it wanted him to let it out. He wasn't dumb enough to fall for that one even on a bad day, and apparently this thing was amateurish enough to tell him exactly what it was about. 
	[realistic ending]
	Having no intention of playing along, he decided to head upstairs and try apply his new pickaxes to that guard house door. getting past the two statues blocking the path seemed like it might prove to be an interesting problem. But in fact it wasn't at all. It was a problem, surely enough, but not very interesting, since the very complete magical force-field appeared to preclude any possibility of a solution. Retreating back into the area seemingly protected by the crystal, Ampersand amused himself for several days before he hit upon the idea of using the pickaxes for their intended purpose. With the crystal to cover his back, a few short months of tunneling brought him to the sea. Literally, as he overestimated how far he would need to dig and discovered so in a rather exciting cave-in of sand and sea water. AFter he'd gotten clear of his newly created sinkhole he poked about the beach and was lucky enough to find an intact dingy. Setting off once more, he mused about the difficulty the statues would have convincing anybody to try swimming into the now flooded cave to set them free. He really couldn't have dealt with that one much better if he'd planned it. 
	[actual ending]
	Ampersand ambled over and smashed the crystal, on the rational that not much else interesting was likely to happen if he didn't. The resulting darkness was really more frustrating than the information that he had been predictably betrayed. Sword drawn, he charged wildly back into the dark, only to be crushed flat by something unseen. 

Incorruptible
	(Outdoor edging isues)
	Time to kill ampersand: Ampersand survived successfully. 
	Ampersand stepped briskly off the boat, glancing around at the humid jungle. It had been a while since he'd visited such a tropical climate, and while he supposed it might bother others he found it merely an interesting change of pace. He had to think for a moment about why he was here. He was an officer of some sort. That was unusual; normally he worked alone. Trying new things was usually painful, but it had never really stopped him before. Onward, then, to check in with the local chain of command. That would surely be the appropriate thing for an officer to do. 
	As he passed through it toward the largest structure he noted that the small encampment didn't seem in very good shape. The buildings were solid enough for simple, rapid construction, but the ground was a mess of mud and decaying, trampled plant matter. The messy remains of multiple public executions didn't really help. 
	Entering the command building he noted what was clearly the commanding officer, although the man looked to be in terrible shape. Probably a sign that the entire operation here was on its last legs. While greeting the man Ampersand thought quickly about what he ought to be here for. Pacifying the natives was likely it, and besides, it might be much needed boost for morale. Either that or there would be no one left to be demoralized. Would that be a fulfillment of his purpose in this place? While pondering this he realized that he was holding up the conversation as an unintended side-effect. To rectify the problem, he boldly announced his intention to lead every man would could wield a spear or load a cannon (or however they did such things in these parts) into glorious battle. The base commander looked a bit resigned, but it wasn't clear whether this was his illness or because Ampersand had overdone his pronouncement. Tiredly the man indicated that supplies were to be had in the chest in the corner. Ampersand hurried over, doing his best to keep his glee for collecting things under control—it didn't quite seem appropriate for a man of his rank. The results weren't all that stellar anyway, only a healing potion and some shiny apples seemed worth taking. 
	Stepping back outside, Ampersand moved to inspect his troops. Five of them, in fact! Maybe this would be good after all. He did his best for a few seconds to inspire them, but they seemed to have a high resistance. They did, however, direct him to a supply of marvelous looking firebombs. With that he headed off confidently into the jungle, and after a moment had to suppress his surprise when the soldiers moved to follow. He'd half forgotten that they would do that. It was actually pretty nifty. 
	After a few minutes of creeping from one clump of trees to the next, Ampersand noted the presence of several native warriors. They looked quite clearly hostile, so he pulled out on of the bombs, inched as close as he could, then charged forward with a cry, throwing the bomb squarely at the largest opponent gleefully. It burst with an excellent billowing fireball, and while the leader himself seemed barely phased, at least two of his underlings collapsed straight away. Unfortunately that left Ampersand with the very angry leader waving an axe in his face. How had the fellow gotten so close? Lacking anything better for the task, Ampersand blocked an unavoidable strike with his arm, which proved to be barely better than doing nothing. He was going to need some serious healing, to say nothing of avoiding another blow like that. Suddenly, though, his own men sprang up around him, hemming the enemy in from all sides and hacking him almost literally to bits. Maybe some of that inspiration had taken after all. 
	Grabbing every bit of fallen enemy equipment he could, Ampersand directed his men to head back to base and catch up with him later. They eyed him quizzically, but went. They'd done well, but he just felt a need to explore on his own for a while. He walked, largely aimlessly out into the jungle. 
	Shortly afterward he noted another native, which didn't seem to have noticed him. Before he could let fly another bomb, the figure collapsed, apparently dead. It really rather spoiled his hard work on sneaking up. He thought, though, that he saw a temple complex in the distance. A temple might mean a cult, which could be weird or quite possibly disgusting, but also a good shot at useful artifacts. 
	Upon arrival, he snuck rapidly through the outlying buildings, but there didn't seem to be anyone to hide from, really. He peeked in the huge temple entrance. The place was surprisingly neat and clean; actually a pretty good piece of architecture. Luckily, no one noticed him because they were all focused on the gruesome sacrifice—which it would probably be best to do something about. Ampersand charged directly down the center of the room, to the apparent shock of the onlookers. He was momentarily disappointed that it wasn't a beautiful maiden to save, but rather some sort of statesman type. A fraction of a second later he decided that maybe it wasn't such a pity, since he was apparently just a bit too late, and the prisoner had just been killed. Oops. It did appear, though, that some sort of major magic was being triggered, so he did the only obvious thing and leapt into the middle of it. 
	The scenery changed abruptly into a beautiful space backdrop. Nice. There, was however, still, the upset native priest type. Ampersand ran at him full-tilt, dodging hostile spells in a manner he thought most dashing. As he ran, he hurled his two remaining bombs, which lit up the whole scene impressively, if not as fatally for the opponent as he would have liked. The effect was somewhat spoiled when he came into melee range, swung his sword, only to miss and then immediately get punched rather painfully in the face. Close combat was apparently a mistake; he tried firing a few arrows, but they really didn't have much effect; his opponent seemed to be as tough as an elephant, and continued to throw punches that would likely stun the same. In the end it was a rather close thing; Ampersand was reeling and about to pass out when he finally struck dead on and the priest collapsed to the floor. Rather suddenly, he was back in the temple complex, and conveniently the various blood-thirsty inhabitants weren't in evidence. 
	Ampersand took the opportunity to catch his breath and inspect his fallen adversary. The man's facial features didn't really look like those of the other natives, but Ampersand wasn't really an expert anyway, so he didn't figure it was very important. He made a quick circuit of the temple, but it was depressingly altogether empty, without o much as tea set to steal. Ampersand wandered back into the jungle, musing on how easy this whole job had really turned out to be. And he'd even managed to keep those soldiers of his each in one piece. Maybe he could get them to come a along with him to wherever he went next. These ruminations occupied him all the way back to the costal camp, where they were quickly cast aside upon discovery of the fact that the army had brought in a sizable supply of napalm. Ampersand spent the afternoon supervising its deployment for best effect, and then lit the whole thing himself. It flared up very satisfactorily, giving him a nicely dramatic backdrop before which to stride off into the distance. He hoped the next place would have as many incendiary delights. 


Awards:

Creepiest Statue: Turn That Frown Upside-down
	It's not that "The Immortal"'s statues weren't creepy, but that was their function, their reason for being. The smiley statue appears where the player has been told to expect a 'Peace Offering', yet it is unwieldy, useless, practically calculated to enrage the intended recipients, and perpetually eerily grinning. 

Best Counter-Villain Plan: The Eternal
	"We'll collapse this tomb on ourselves, that'll show 'em!" Admittedly it made good sense in context, but really, considered globally it's much more creative then the old standbys of 'stab him a lot' and 'fetch acient artifact to exploit magical weakness'. 

Most Hard-Boiled Hero: Incorruptible
	With only five men for back-up this guy is prepared to take on a whole jungle full of natives. Then, he sends his men back and goes on by himself, single-handedly dispatches the enemy leader, and sets off plenty of fiery explosions on the way. And then he prepares to take on any and all traitors in his own chain of command.